Marking Time

This is a very bizarre day. I want to curl up in ball in a corner somewhere. Retraumatized from all the 9/11 rehash that's been on TV. I could turn it off, and have...maybe not for the last time today. Saw the Falling Man last night. That had me crying. And remembering.


The morning of 9/11 I was at home. I didn't have to be at work until 3 so I was relaxing on the couch. The fact that I - and my roommate was - was awake at all is amazing. Neither of us saw day until at least 11 am or so.



But we were both up and I was watching TV. I knew immediately that something major was going on as soon as I turned to TV on, so I switched to CNN and there it was. The towers, the planes, the tragedy enfolded in front of me.



My jaw dropped at the sight, the commentary. I knew it was happening for real, but didn't want to believe it. My only thought at first was for all those people. Then the unthinkable happened when the towers dropped to the ground. Unimaginable is more like it. Still, to this day, it seems impossible that such a thing should have happened.



I called my mother. It was the only person I could think of whose voice would offer me some solace. She was as shocked as me. I heard it in her tone. A while later my job called to tell me not to come in that day. They, and the entire country, seemed to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wondering where it would happen. When. How. A bank as high profile as the one I was working for at the time needed to protect itself (including its people).



Six years later the shock is still there. The pain. Indeed, the pain has deepened because on top of the people who died in the initial attack there has been all the soldiers fighting overseas. Some say pointlessly, some say with purpose.



Regardless, they're still dead.

Late Late Late

These posts are from my festival experience in 2006. It has taken some time to put them up. I went to festival this year too, but didn't write nearly as much about it.

Wild Ending!!

I had a stroke in Denver. The train stopped to pick up passengers and let people off. I got up to go to the bathroom and I passed out! It was midday on Thursday.

Things I am thankful for:

-Being alive
-That I had stopped in a major city and wasn't out in the middle of Bumfuck Small Town, America.
-That my mother came and picked me up.

Hit & Stay for Hours (Leaving Pt 3)

Went to Potbelly's for lunch. I had a few hours to kill before my next train headed out for Cali. On the way out the train hit a car. Killed the car's two of the car's passengers. At first the porters walking up and down the isle wouldn't say what had happened. After about twenty-thirty minutes all they said was it was a "minor mishap" that was delaying us.

Minor my ass - It made the news!

http://www.nbc5.com/news/9690355/detail.html

The mobile crime scene van arrived. I couldn't see anything. Too far back. All I saw was police walking back and forth. Chicago's finest. And the ambulance that rushed by. I smelled a lot of gas. Probably from the car we hit? Technically, we're in Berwyn, just outside Chicago.

After three hours we were finally on our way.

Train Ride Home (Leaving Pt 2)

I’m on the train now. Going home. Exhausted. I am glad to be leaving Grand Rapids, but not the festival. I would like to drive to the festival next time. That would be the most fun. Then I could bring whatever camp gear I wanted, as long as it fit in the car. My ultimate dream is to take a camper. I kept passing by the RV section and wishing I had one of those to go back to at night.

My tent was definitely too small . Next time I’m getting a tent condo! The two-room kind I had before.

Back in the Hotel (Leaving Pt 1)

Cushy bed, carpeting, TV, Pizza Hut, cold Pepsi.Out of the elements. Thinking about last night and listening to all those stories around the campfire about past festivals. Apparently, Janeway does have quite the reputation. She walks around talking to herself. The joke was she was talking to herself because no one else would. She was expecting people to cater to her because she was a semi-celebrity. Cokehead.

Tomorrow morning I’m off for good. Take a cab to Amtrak. I could have listened to those stories all night. I hear there’s some kind of music festival out there.

I am currently basking in the glory of getting my tent completely back into its incredibly tight canvass bag. Course now I am worn out. I have at least twenty mosquito bites on each leg from my long romp in the forest.

Processing the Hell Out of EVERYTHING!

Fucking dykes! The shit that blew up yesterday keeps expanding. Helen got yelled at and now she’s got to go around explaining her side. And now this is all that anyone on my subcrew is going to be talking about for the rest of the festival!

I actually thought the prank was kind of funny. Very much something a teenager would pull. But I guess legally the Coordinators have to put their collective foot down about it.

Went to Hart this morning for breakfast. Had corned beef hash and bacon (there were some eggs in their too, but I was mostly interested in the meat). The towns folk were staring at us with great curiosity. The real world awaits me in two days. I am not looking forward to it.

Decatur gave Xena and Scary Spice back…Jude was not very happy about it. We’re supposed to get a pizza out of it.

Tomorrow I work the day shift, we all do. No one without a pass gets in. Everyone else can only go out. The Festies have to be gone by high noon, or 1.

Janeway and Kisser, now there’s an interesting combination. Apparently Janeway rolled through like a regular festie this year and was expecting people to treat her like a performer. Unfortunately, some did. But Janeway does have a reputation for being a real bitch in general.

I haven’t visited the WOC tent since I been here. I’ve been way too busy. Movies under the stars tonight. Today and tomorrow there is going to be a serious mass exodus.

Bad Grrls

More drama between my subcrew. Decatur and Gil right in the middle of it. What else is new? What was a prank has exploded into something much larger, and is threatening to take several womyn down. Coordinator and Assistant Coords are pissed. That’s bad.

Who's the Butch?

Some women are emotionally invested in the butch/femme dynamic, but I’m not. I’ve discovered I just don’t care enough about it. This came up early this morning. Sitting around the campfire. One of our tents was dusty. Too dusty for Ally to sleep in. We were trying to figure out a way to clean it, but we didn’t have a broom. I wondered out loud if anyone had a Dustbuster. So then Ally tells me I’m femme, cause a butch wouldn’t even think anything like that.

So just like that I got tossed around from one category to another. Their standards, not mine. My standards say I am the same person I was a second before that thought crossed my mind and flew out my mouth.

Security is stressful, not because I’m afraid of bugs or strange noises, but because I’m afraid of men and their rage. Some guy rode by the front gate last night and yelled at us. Police stopped him, found out he was drunk so he got taken in custody. I like not being at the front gate. Men are willing to kill and brutalize to maintain control. Womyn usually are not. Then again, womyn don’t have control. Maybe Womyn would if they had control?

It’s 3:45 pm. WOC poety salon is going on.

Turkey Stealing

Shuttle crew stole the turkey back from us for about ten minutes today. Then they made the mistake of letting us know where it was hidden. In a split second daring mission a group of us from subcrew team A distracted the shuttle members and took the turkey back!

Snatched it from the trunk of the car it was hidden in. Oh, it was a magnificently wonderful display of teamwork!

Time's Coming to A Close

Next week this time my train will be pulling out for Cali. I’ll be watching this place get torn down next week and it makes me sad. I’ve had so much fun and felt so comfortable here.

I’m wide awake. Slept for most of the day and I feel really energized now. My ass was dragging when I laid my head down. I’m at the back again for my last overnight. Decatur may try and do something. Got to be on the lookout for pranks.

We may get another midnight meal. Last night it was chicken, mashed potatoes, and salad.

No updates on the Xena/duck intrigue thus far. It’s almost four in the afternoon. This is my third time at festival and I’ve only gone to one workshop. And only been dragged to a handful of shows. I keep coming back cause I enjoy bonding with other incredible womyn. That’s the bottom line. All the workshops and performances are just asides. For me, anyway.

I had to escort a delivery truck this morning. That was a pain that turned into good fortune. Outland Foods didn’t bring enough food for everyone. I was near the Belly Bowl with the truck and got a much better breakfast than if I had been at the gate. But the others missed it.

Realized that if the gates are opened wide to the trans community they will still not have this energy that festival creates. Cause I’m sure large numbers of womyn would no longer patronize it (I certainly wouldn’t be back). The energy created by thousands of nothing but womyn born womyn would cease to exist in this place. It would morph into something else, not better or worse (maybe), but different. The festival would cease being what I and thousands of other womyn have experienced and come back for year after year. So in the end the trans community won’t really get what they want.

There is rumored to be a group of womynfrom a crew who camp out in the front, near the gate, who never actually go into the downtown area at all during the festival. I believe that. I wouldn’t. It’s like a tourist invasion almost downtown during the festival.

Suzie picked up the laundry this morning at 7:30 am. It’s probably done now. She went to town to do it. The clothes are probably sitting at the front gate waiting for Helen and I to pick ours up. We were the only two who sent our with Suzie.

There is the dinner bell.

Think I rode the shuttle with Melissa Ferrick this afternoon. Not sure, who she was, but I know she was a performer. She was cute.
“Are you coming, too?” she asked me. I nodded. I was too fucking tired this morning.
I need to hit an ATM soon. Definitely before I leave. I’ll see if I can get a ride into town.

Nice Things I've Seen

Womyn playing...Womyn cuddling...Womyn free to be...

Discovering themselves in the woods amongst the trees, insects, dirt, perpetually hungry raccons and field mice.

The Hijinks of Bored Womyn

Traffic Crew’s Xena and Scary Spice dolls have been absconded by Security Team B (or C I’m not quite sure which) from the Triangle.

There was also a threat to take Shuttle crew’s duck made by the Traffic crew earlier. Shuttle crew has gotten a restraining order on the Traffic crew to protect the duck. Shuttle also wrote a three page will for the duck just in case something happened to the duck, its ducklings would be taken care of.

Someone tried to steal the duck earlier in the belly bowl and almost got tackled. Poor duck had its legs broken and had to go to the womb for medical attention. It’s now in some secure location.

We still have our Turkey.

Decatur was plotting for us to scare the crap out of the overnight team. Her and Helen were also planning to double cross our own teammates and steal Xena and Scary from subcrew B and give it back to Traffic – for the price of a pizza.

Double and triple agents all over the place! This shit is getting crazy. And somehow I’ve found my way in the middle of it.

Not sure how that happened.

(*no real wildlife was harmed during the festival)

Tuesday

I gave Ally a note on the Love Board. It said “I think you’re awesome and hot.” I do. We work together tomorrow. I haven’t seen her since I told her about the note. I figured out my type. Friends are always asking me what type of woman I’m attracted to and I could never come up with an answer. Well, after seven years in the Bay Area I finally figured it out. I am attracted to big boned Midwestern types. Didn’t realize until I came back that I missed seeing them.

I am almost afraid to face Ally tomorrow. I signed my name to the note. There’s three of me on the crew, so it’s not like signing my name told her exactly who I am. And she may know a few more. My name is kind of popular. Nothing I can do about it now.

I’ve been having a blast. Decatur likes me, though I’m not sure why. Raccoons or something outside the door of my tent. I’m on high alert! Course, how would a raccoon know where the door of my tent was?

There’s a dance happening. I’m not going. Today I worked a day shift. With the Festies here there is something strangely comforting about seeing throngs of women walking and camping in areas that were nearly empty a few days before. All the work we workers put in…to see it come to such successful fruition!

Opening Day

Hard Lemonade is gone. Last night was incredible! Last night was what the festival is all about for me. After my shift was over I hung out with Carol, Helen, Decatur, Gil, and Randy in the Belly Bowl, the “dining area” for the workers. Others came by and joined us, like Ally and Z. We played Boggle, this card game called Bullshit, drank, talked and laughed. I had a very good time. I love hanging out with good people and just enjoying their energy. I cannot get enough of that.

At about 1 or 2 am some of us walked all the way up to the front gate to visit with the crew doing the overnight there. I didn’t get back to my tent until 3 am. Apparently my tent is close to the night stage parking lot or something. Ally told me.

I want to hug Carol and Ally is an incredible spirit. I want to hug her too, but for a different reason. She took my laundry to town and did it today. I’ll have clean clothes! I feel so appreciative all I can think of to thank her is to give her a big hug.

It’s almost 10:30 am. I can’t shower until 1 pm or so cause the showers are closed (health inspector is coming through). Glad I don’t have to really deal with that stuff.

They start letting women in today at noon. So glad I don’t have to be at the front gate. That long line of women won’t subside until it gets dark probably.

First Overnight

Had my first overnight shift. It was pretty cool. I will probably hang out in the belly bowl til lunch, then take my shower and go to my tent. They brought us banana pancakes, oatmeal and boiled eggs for breakfast. Interesting combo. Tasted ok.

There is something called the Dome of Silence, what’s said on shift stays on shift. Kinda like Vegas. Katy is funny as hell. She calls men GM for genetic mistakes. There was another funny name she came up with, but I forgot what it was. I have to be on the lookout for Michigan Moments. Apparently everyone has them. Technically, it’s a moment when the emotional weight of being in such a wonderfully (relatively) safe place hits you. New women, Festie Virgins have them sooner. I may have had my first one yesterday when I was writing in my journal.

Wild Turkeys in the Night

Much more activity last night at the gate. Around 1 am or so there was this weird noise out in the woods. It was pretty far away at first. Ally, Carol and I were there. We didn’t know what the noise was. It sounded like a cross between a turkey and a duck, or a person trying to imitate some wildlife. It put all of us on edge. Especially me, not being a forest or nature type to begin with. Then about five minutes later we heard it again, but it was closer!
“Who’s there!” Carol yelled. There was no response.
A couple of minutes later we heard it again, but this time further away. I still didn’t know who or what it was. I was imagining some local guy out there playing a prank. The thought of an armed man coming onto the land had been on my mind, but last night out in the near pitch black of the forest I was scarring myself!

The three of us were standing there, stock still. I was half tempted to take off running. Carol had the radio in her hand, finger on the button, ready to make the call for help if it became necessary. I was half tempted to take off running – where I don’t know. Then Sherrie came rolling up in the car. She sat with us for an hour and really calmed my nerves. She explained that sometimes there are wild turkeys on the land and that might have been what it was. Before that there was no way I was going to be able to get any sleep.

Today is Saturday. The craftswomyn arrive tomorrow. I love working on this crew. Love the women, the work. Even last night it was fun – despite the turkey.

Bugs love me. They are eating me up!

Every time I’ve come to festival I’ve always met the most incredible women with these incredible stories! Saw Tracy last night at dinner. She’s the first person I’ve seen from Chicago. It was good to see her.

Cowboy Coffee

I had cowboy coffee for the first time. It was not half bad. Cowboy Coffee is when you put the coffee grinds in the bottom of the pot, fill it with water and bring it to a boil. Done. So, it was not half bad considering it was the only coffee available at the time and we were tired as hell. It’s amazing what you’ll put up with if the circumstances are right.

The turkey story has made its way around the entire security team by this morning. I predict most of the workers will know by before the festival starts in two days.

I’m done for today. It is time for a nap. I’ll set my alarm for 7 pm or so to get ready for tonight. This bee or wasp keeps trying to get in my tent via the bottom netting. Three times I've knocked it off only to have it come back. Fucker!

There's a dance tonight I'm going to miss cause I'm working. I've been doing a lot of walking, but that's par for the course. When the festival starts I'll probably be doing a lot more walking.

Late Late Late

These posts are from my festival experience in 2006. It has taken some time to put them up. I went to festival this year too, but didn't write nearly as much about it. I'll put up some pics.

Friday

I walked out to the Women of Color tent. I keep looking for old friends of mine from Chicago. Then I remember the festival hasn’t started yet. Only the workers are here now. More women will be here when the festival starts and I'll have a better chance of seeing old acquaintances then.

Everyone is very friendly. Women coming out of the woodwork to say hi to me. That brightens my day. Feels so safe here.I would love to drive an RV here to camp. That would make doing a long crew easier. But RVs are expensive.WOC tent starts work at 10, that’s what the woman inside told me. It’s a little after now. I would have helped the woman who runs the tent out, cause her people are late it seems. I’m really trying not to go back to my tent until at least noon, but my eyes are droopy. I don’t start work today until later tonight. I would like to take a nap from about 3-6 or 7. That would be perfect. That would give me enough time to pack my bag for the night, get dinner and meet my crewmates at The Tree. But it’s not even noon yet and my eyes are droopy. Go to sleep early, wake up early and it’ll throw everything off.

Shasta is really cute in a very thick, midwestern way. Kelly is a big bear of a woman. Shasta had on these blue PJs with yellow rubber duckies all over them when I saw her at the Belly Bowl for breakfast earlier.Oh yeah, they were playing Dionne Farris’ Hopeless in the kitchen my first night. When I couldn't find my tent. The kitchen is next to the massage tent. That music was nice to go to sleep to.

My Amoeba sweatshirt is wonderfully warm. Unsure about taking my rain coat. If I left it I could use the extra room in my small bag. A good girl scout would take it regardless. Course I was never in the scouts. I'll leave it.Showered earlier. Feels good to be all clean. It’s not even 11 am yet. I should just go to sleep. Just go back to my tent and go to sleep.

Finally on the Land

Technically, this is my second day on the land. This woman named Bronco picked me up at 3:30 in a car. She picked up a couple other women from the airport to help out the shuttle van. Then we went to Meijer to pick up some last minute supplies. It started to rain as we made our way back. It was pouring when I put up my tent, but I wanted to get it up that night (as opposed to waiting until today to put it up), and I wanted to get the tent up before dark. Of course, just after I had my tent up and changed into dry clothes and my rain gear it stopped raining.

I went out for a walk anyway. On the way back my flashlight died and I couldn’t find my tent. Fell in a ditch at one point in the dark. I ended up spending the night in the massage tent on one of their tables. The tables were comfortably padded and high up off the ground. The tent also had mosquito netting around it. Only problem was I didn’t have a blanket or anything, so I got cold in the early morning hours. But I slept well.

I start my security work shift tomorrow. Today was orientation. Beginning of festival week sounds like its going to be crazy. The line of cars 3 miles long. The Three Mile Line. Dinner is going on now. I decided to skip it. I’ll finish what I had leftover from lunch. Still kind of overwhelmed by it all. Getting here, setting up, working. Excited, but slightly overwhelmed.

I can hear the mosquitoes buzzing outside my tent. Mosquito Row, that't where I live. I have to meet my crew at the tree tomorrow morning. Got my flashlight working with new batteries. Bought postcards. Women riding bikes here. They can do that before and after the festival, but not during. Too much traffic during. It officially starts Tuesday, but the drama starts Sunday when the craftswomen arrive.

We get to use two way radios and CBs! Workers get denim jackets after they’ve volunteered for ten years.

Life changing.Things in your life open up after being at the festival. That’s what the crew leader said during orientation.I hear drumming. It has begun.I love being around nothing but women. I am so glad to have an air mattress. Sleeping on the ground really sucks. It’s almost 10:30 pm. The coordinator for my crew is really cute. She’s from Vancouver. Listening to her during orientation had me on the edge of my seat.

I have to pee, but there is no way I’m leaving my tent. It’s nearly a mile walk to the porta-janes!

So nice to be out of Cali. Nice to be in my own tent instead of the massage tent. Although I wish I had more lighting. The lamp I bought is not throwing off enough light. I have to put it right next to the page to see what I’m writing.

I have nature in stereo here. Bugs to the left, insects to the right. It’s going to take me forever to get to sleep. Some people feel being out in nature is relaxing. I am just the opposite. The weather was nice today. Not too hot, not too cool- and not raining. There’s doctors on the land. There’s an first aid tent too. They have stuff there in case I have an asthma attack. It’s Thursday night. The worker camp is filling up.

My white shirt was completely dry today finally. I washed it and my socks in the hotel and the shirt is finally dry two days later. But my socks weren’t. I’ll spread them out better tomorrow.

It’s quiet now.

Hotel Stay Before Camp

Nice People

Day one in the hotel.

Due to a miscalculation I ended up spending two days here as opposed to just one. For me, that’s a good thing because I like hotels. But more on that later.Last night, when the train came into Chicago, I shared a shuttle bus with a family of four from Iowa. It was mom and grandmom with two kids, minus husbands. They were extremely nice. See, here is why I can’t write off the entire white race even after experiences like the ones on the train might make me feel like doing just that:

The shuttle bus dropped us off at Pere Station. I hadn’t anticipated a couple of important things about Grand Rapids.

1. That the train station would be closed. To be honest it probably would not have been closed if the train hadn’t ended up 5 hours late.
2. That there were no cabs around.

My first inclination of this was as I gathered my bags from the bus, the grandmother asked me if I had a ride coming. I told her no, that I was going to catch a cab. I had assumed cabs would be just hanging around the train station waiting for customers like in some other big cities. And that’s when I learned the ugly truth. But I still wasn’t worried. There was a pay phone and the number to a cab company a listed.The grandmother asked me if I wanted to use her phone to call a cab. Not wanting to impose on a stranger, I said no thank you. I had a pocket full of change just for this occasion. The grandmother offered again. This time I saw the mother ( her daughter) of the two boys behind the grandmother giving me one of those let- us-help-you looks.

Who can resist that? I conceded.The grandfather, who had come to pick them up, called the cab company. Then came their next question. Did I want them to wait with me until the cab showed up. People disappear everyday never to be seen alive again, but at 12:30 am in Grand Rapids that didn’t concern me. I told them no. They were being far too nice to me - seeing that they’d never met me before - and it was making me uncomfortable. I realize how odd that sounds, but I'm from a big city where most people are indifferent to strangers.

The grandmother asked again if I did not want them to stay while I waited. I insisted I would be fine, anticipating a wait of no more than ten minutes or so. The family went back to their car. I started picking up and arranging my bags, tent and whatnot that had fallen on the ground. A minute later the grandmother came back to tell me they were going to wait anyway.

And they did.

They were so incredibly nice - something I almost don’t expect in white people ( not towards me anyway).

Do You Have Any Bug Spray?

A troublesome issue popped up at the hotel I stayed. I was washing my clothes in the bathroom sink and getting ready for bed and all that when I saw a bug in the bathroom. My first thought was it was a roach. I hate bugs.All of them.Well, let me qualify that, I hate bugs that I can see in my living space. Be it my apartment, a tent, or a hotel room. This was a somewhat large bug, so there was no way I was going to kill it. I was too busy trying not to panic. I left the bathroom and sat on the bed for a moment to gather my composure and decide what to do.

Then I saw another one ripping across the dresser.That, plus the oversized moth flying around the room prompted me to go to the front desk. They guy came back to my room, caught the one on the dresser and the second one in the bathroom. He informed me that they were not roaches, they were beetles. That roaches had long, brown bodies, these had.... well I forgot what they had and didn’t particularly care. I thanked him for getting them out and he left.But now my mind was now on bedbugs. So all of my stuff stayed packed up, bags zipped closed. I had no intention of taking any little visitors with me when I left the hotel. But see, I don’t know what kind of beetles they were, nor how they got in my room. Any of the following could have occurred:

1. They caught a ride on my bags somewhere between Grand Rapids and Oakland.
2. They came under the door - there is a noticeable gap...
3. They were in the room already ( which possibly leads back to #2).

I’m just glad they’re gone and hope to never see anything like them again while I’m here.

Hotel Day Two

I woke up to the Science Channel and a show called What The Ancients Knew. It was about Japanese culture. About why the Japanese seem to be so much better at technology than a lot of other countries, that they transferred a lot of their old traditions to the new technology. So an ancient tradition of making clay pottery and magic mirrors is turned to circuit boards. Reusing old information. Fascinating.

My goals for the day all come down to food (there is a Denny’s right next door, fortunately); locating a drug store or somewhere I can get camera batteries and ribbon (The ribbon will mark the path to my tent on the land. It’s easy to lose one’s sense of direction in the woods); check out and get to the train depot before two; and to mail letters.

**

Tomorrow is Wednesday. The day I would normally see Dan. Very unsure about the festival. Scared. Excited. It’s hot as hell here in Grand Rapids. Supposed to cool off by Friday. A little.I’m waiting here at the train station for this adventure to start. I have 2-3 hours. Checked out of the hotel late cause my watch wasn’t set to the correct time.

There’s a bus! I got my camera out to take a picture of the next one. A dude is coming by. Got my eye on him. He went behind the train building, walked along the tracks. Away from me. He checked the garbage. Walked away because he felt my fear? Probably not. It was simply the most direct route around the corner. Bus came by at 12:06. I’ll see when the next one comes. I want to get a picture.Should have eaten something before I left the hotel. There is nothing around here. Got beef jerky. I’ll eat that later. I’m not that hungry now. But by 3 pm or so, I will be. Hoping to get the tent up by before it starts raining. Dinnertime should be starting not long after I get there. Maybe I can get a cute woman to help me with my tent?A woman is walking by, white, maybe a kid. Nope, she’s older. Older than me. Through the parking lot. Think she’s gotten too much sun. She’s all dark and pruney, for a white person. In an unnatural way. Like George Hamilton.

I will be buying some more toothpaste and bug spray, I believe. My arm and hammer deodorant doesn’t work as well as I’d hoped. Think the woman is using the pay phone. I hear her talking.My stomach is starting up a bit. This must be major truck route. I see almost nothing but coming by. It’s hot out here. Not too unbearable though.

Figured out why I like to watch movies and listen to some songs over and over again like a little kid. It’s the feeling that it gave me that I like to keep with me, especially if I liked the movie or song.

Got a picture of the bus finally.It’s closing in on 2 pm.The shuttle should be here by 2:30 or 3. If it’s not here by then, I’m calling them. The next one comes at 4 and that’s the last one for the day. One hour to go. I’ll be so glad to be around nothing but women, although simply being out of the Bay Area has been wonderful. Being back in the Midwest feels great. Comfortable, like home.

Train Ride To Camp

This is a trip I took last summer. Enjoy.

And So It Begins...Day one on the train across country to the campground.

It’s nice to be able to get some more sleep. I only slept two hours last night. I was so tired this morning I couldn’t even think. The world is passing by outside the window. Beautiful. Contemplating getting food from the cafe car. Roseville looks so very quaint from here. The dining car is open, but right now that idea is too stuffy for me. They want reservations. No reservations for the cafe car and the cafe has more of the food I want to eat.

People are getting on the train. More people. The last time I thought there would be people standing in the isle so many got on. But no. Big comfy seats. I like looking out the window.Oh - the Mormons. Four young Mormon men outside on their bikes. I got flanked by two Mormon women the other day while I was waiting for the bus. I couldn’t believe they had the guts to brave my neighborhood. I told them I would go to their church to see this play on Sunday. But I lied. You couldn’t pay me to set foot in their church. They wouldn’t want me in their church. Couldn’t handle me. God can, but not the Mormons.

I love riding past bodies of water. Sparkling; even if it’s filthy, contaminated water it still sparkles.

The Amish Take The Train?

Day two on the train. The tracks go through the backside of most cities. Traveling through small towns it goes down the middle of the main street practically. Think this is still Nevada. I could pull out the schedule and check, but I don’t feel like it and it doesn’t really matter anyway.

It’s 6:58 mountain time. We just left a stop. Surrounded by mountains. I slept quite well. Much More rested than I was yesterday at this time, that’s for sure.Provo Utah Population ten thousand and something.Helper Utah, where many an outlaw laid their heads. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.In Utah the rock formations look almost chiseled out and leveled off by hand. The hand of God. Green River, Grand River, Colorado River, Grand Junction - I’m waiting for Petticoat Junction! We picked up some Amish folks in Glenwood Springs, Colorado. One woman smiled at me. I smiled back. That was nice. I ignore the people passing by, that I pass when I walk down the isle. It’s much more interesting to see what’s outside the window. We’re closing in on Denver. Going through the Rocky Mountains. Beautiful. Rolling next to the Colorado River.People tubing down the river. I would love to be doing that. Only went tubing once and it was a blast. Someone has a house along the river. Who wouldn’t kill for that? A few more houses, farms. Its getting dark. Wonder if it’s going to rain? It’s not even 5 pm yet. Definitely cloudy. Mountain climbing the Rockies...

It’s raining. Thunder and lightening coming down hard. Sideways.We’re in Frasier and we’re four hours late. We going to travel through Nebraska overnight. While I sleep. That’s good. All the boring parts while I sleep. We’re closing in on Denver still. Apparently lots of people are going to get on there. It’s almost 10 pm now.We’re three hours behind now. How fast did the conductor have to kick it up to in order to make up that hour? Still find it hard to believe at the end of this journey I’ll be in Michigan, on the land. Then another journey begins.Think that last stop was a false alarm for people, but we are in Denver. Denver just has more that one train stop. Yep. Here we come to a big train yard. It’s the main stop. Three and a half hours now.

About the Amish. There were five of them. Two parents - I’m assuming - and three kids. Two boys and a girl. One boy was young, no more than 8 or 9 and wore a maroon shirt with his blue pants and suspenders. The older boy was well into his teens and sported a beard rounded at the bottom, like his father. Both wore white shirts and the same blue pants and suspenders as the young boy. The older woman was plump and smiled at me as she got on. Her smile made me feel good, so I smiled back. The other young woman was a teenager and wore a blue dress made of the same material as the man’s pants. The women had on white shirts too underneath their dresses and wore white bonnets. The mother wore glasses and had a pleasantly round face and red hair. The top of the father’s head was bald and shiny. He was a heavy man. He spoke in words I could not understand. I couldn’t even catch phrases.

An older black woman sat in front of me. She smiled at me earlier. Seemed nice. She looked about my mother’s age. Then again, every older black woman reminds me of my mother. Although my mother will swear up and down that she’s not old. Oh well, after the the train conductor people fucked around in Denver for so long we are - again - four hours late.

God, It Stinks In Here!

One of the drawbacks to long train rides in the coach section is that there is no where to shower. A two day trip is fine, but going on three days, it gets kind of rank. It could definitely prompt one to exclaim (as the woman did when she was leaving the car) that it smelled in here.The train is still roughly four hours late. I don’t have a clue what’s to become of my connecting train to Grand Rapids from Chicago. We’re still in Nebraska, making our way to Omaha. Hopefully I’ll get into Michigan sometime before midnight and get to my hotel room.

I just found out. We’re going to be arriving in Chicago five and a half hours late. They’re going to have shuttle buses ready to take me to my final destination. Now that’s what I call service! Of course not being late in the first place would have been better, but oh well.I have my headphones on so I don’t have to listen to this young guy macking on this girl behind me. Listening to Spoon’s I Turn My Camera On - from that jaguar commerical. I enjoyed that song so much I found it and bought it. Whole CD is pretty good too.

Nebraska and Iowa are both boring as hell to travel through. I would throw Illinois in there too, but I’m from there and corn fields in Illinois still triggers that close-to-home excitement. Corn fields anywhere else is just boring. I’m going to take the longest shower known to the human race when I get to my hotel room. Then I’m going to open my bags and throw everything on the floor (I think i forgot my camera at home)...

The Amish family got off at Osceola, Iowa. And surprise, surprise a brotha got on. The only black passengers I’ve seen on the train are the woman in front of me, and the man that just got on. Everyone else I’ve seen has either been white ( or white-like), or an employee. The white people pass over and around the black woman in front of me like she’s an obstacle to get around on their way to wherever. They don’t see her, barely even looked in her direction as they pass her seat. I think I ‘ve gotten the attention I have because I’m an anomaly for them. The way I look, the energy I give off forces their attention. Sad.

Oh Great! All the teenagers in the car have found one another and congregated behind me. Have I mentioned how irritating those little bastards are? The headphones are going back on! I swear, animals and kids! They are drawn to me for some inexplicable reason.

Another trip

traveled a bit recently. saw family in texas in mid july and spent 3 weeks camping in michigan in august. festival is always invigorating in so many nameless ways. i'm anxious to see what changes my time in michigan has caused in me.

changes are afoot. i can feel them bubbling underneath the surface.

Things I miss about Chicago today:

- Driving past the Loop at night and seeing all the buildings lit up like Christmas trees.
- Harold's Chicken Shack (http://www.haroldschicken.com/).
- The eclectic-ness of Wicker Park and BuckTown.
- The familiarity of everything.
- Riding the El .
- The Chicago Reader
- Driving down Lake Shore Drive.
- The feeling that I am one of many.
- Sturdy brick buildings keeping me warm in the cold winter.
- Walking through snow in gym shoes.
- Feeling connected to everyone in the city during a harsh winter, because we're all going through it.
- Halsted Street, Belmont Ave and Clark St.
- Seeing all the parks filled during spring and summer with softball teams.
- Softball, and sports leagues in general.
- 24 hour a day El service.
- Brew & View at the Vic , double features for $5 on weekends.
- the White Sox, Bears, Bulls and the Cubbies.
- Jeffrey Blvd.
- The 14 Express and the 6.
- Walking through the River North and Lincoln Park neighborhoods.
- Hyde Park.
- Straightforward, in your face racism, instead of the undercover, smile-in-your-face-no-i'm-really-not shit.

The City of Big Shoulders certainly left it's mark on me!

1st Blog

It's Wednesday. Middle of the week. What can I say, but I can't wait until the weekend. Although I am glad I don't have to do jury duty - I found out today.

This is my first blog. An experiment of sorts. If I like it i'll keep it up.